Marriage Counselor Mrs. Patricia Mulumba Agarukire has said that most people get into marriage for the delight that comes with weddings, without giving much thought to the entirety of marriage as an institution.
The teacher and book author said this while in an interview with Crystal Newman on The Groove Cafe on RX Radio. Talking about her book ‘Perfect Imperfections,’ Agarukire revealed how she wrote it during the 2020 Covid 19 lockdown due to the rising number of marriage woes at the time, as well as to guide individuals through the stages of relationships, from singlehood to marriage.
“Chapter 1 takes you right from the time when someone is searching and praying for a spouse, the journey of being found and finding the one. Who is the one? How do I know that there's hope in this? So I take a person right from when they are single to the time when they go church and then take them through the wedding vows one by one,” the author said.
She continued that because of her interactions with different married couples, she realized that most of them make vows without a detailed understanding of their meaning. “Many times people make the vows yet they are probably thinking about whether the cake has arrived at the venue or if the decorator has done what they were asked to.”
“So I go through the vows with my readers that for example when they say for better for worse; have they fathomed about the ‘worse’ because if we think about the vows in depth, then the problems we face later don't tear us apart because one knew what they are going into is a two sided institution.”
She added, “Actually the biggest problem is for people to think that marriage is the wedding day. I am a marriage counselor at Namirembe Cathedral and other churches. But one of the biggest mistakes I've seen is that people get married for the wrong reasons forgetting that this is a till death does us apart pact. Some girls want to get married because their friends are all getting married and the desire to just have the white gown on but without thinking about the whole journey that they are starting,” she said.
The Counselor says she has been shocked on several occasions after some people seek her help just a few weeks or months after their wedding day. Some of which after getting into the premarrieds counseling confess that they didn't realize the weight of marriage.
According to the Perfect Imperfections Author, making a decision to get into marriage has to be a decision well thought through initiated by the partners themselves. “It's not supposed to be about your parents or sisters. If you marry because of your family's insistence or pressure from friends getting married or without thinking about a person you're comfortable with such as one of a different faith from yours, chances are high that it won't last, and these are the small simple details that later on bring problems,” she explained.
Agarukire whose journey into counseling was initiated by the loss of her mother during her primary seven vacation said that she ended up becoming a mother to her younger siblings and used her experiences to comfort, motivate and use her position as a student counselor during her time in school to encourage others.
In her senior two, she had a television show named ‘Teen Talk’ that she hosted on Mama FM where she encouraged fellow teenagers to overcome their situations.
She attributes her strength to motivate others to her intimate relationship with God that she uses to spread love to others and keep her going.
Patricia Mulumba Agarukire is a teacher by profession, a life coach and is a passionate marriage counselor that holds a certificate in counseling with experience of over 8 years.
The Groove Cafe with Crystal Newman airs every Weekday from 4-5pm on RX Radio.
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