Mother, mentor, and nutritionist Hilda Ocan says she wrote the book ‘Letters To My Daughter’ to her biological daughter after realizing the divide between them as a result of her style of parenting.
“It is a series of advice from my heart that I wanted my daughter to know. They are from things I have experienced in my life and what I wished I was told growing up,” said Ocan during a one-on-one with Crystal Newman yesterday.
“It gives directives and guidelines on decision making,” she added. Ocan said that growing up, she did not experience motherly love and advice. When she became a mother, she faced similar challenges but lacked experience.
“Because I did not have my mum in my life, I mothered my daughter according to what I witnessed growing up. The misconception that women are nurturers by nature is entirely false because we mother according to how we were mothered. Because of the way I was raised, I had a series of failures in building the relationship with my daughter,” she disclosed.
Ocan conveyed that her relationship with her mother was crooked as it always is with most African parents who tend to be tough and unfriendly to their children, causing a gap between each other.
“I was tough and strict because that is what I knew. I wanted my daughter to do better than me but in the end, it pushed her away. I had a rude awakening when my daughter drew a picture of her cousin as her role model at her school yet I thought she would draw me,” Ochan recalled.
At this point, she realized how tough she had been to her daughter and started mending their relationship hence the book Letters To My Daughter. In addition, she says that many people focus on making money and forget to make quality time with their children, yet children are gifts God gives to particular people to nurture and raise for a short time before they can live on their own.
“When we run around making money, we forget it is a cycle. When you don't spend quality time with your children, they grow fast, and before you realize they are mature. You can only speak to a child if you created a relationship with them. You will not come around when they are 18 and rush to talk to them because relationships are created over time.”
She encouraged mothers to sacrifice and spend quality time with their children, so as to speak in their lives, and also to engage in learning new things.
Her book Letters To My Daughter provides a treasure of precious words from a mother’s heart to their child. It contains words of affection and wisdom and offers inspiration and practical guidance to young women on how they can navigate through the world.
“Whether you read it as a daughter or as a mother, this book will speak to your heart in many profound ways,” says Ocan in the book’s prelude.
The Groove Cafe with Crystal Newman airs every Weekday from 4-5 pm on RX Radio.
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